The name I once treasured with silver and gold, to love locked up in memories with pain I sold.

I think it's confirmed, I have philophobia, haha... For those who don't know which phobia it is, it's the fear of falling in love or being in love.

Surprisingly that's going to be the name for my stagename on the music stage. Well, it does sound cool and makes me sound smart, lol. Plus my second rap collaboration was pretty much rap lyrics which were converted from a poem I wrote down during the summer while I was trying to forget MC.

Who knows how serious my philophobia would be? I read some extracts on this phobia, and it seems pretty serious! However, it's not like I want to do anything about it, cause usually it's the patients who say they don't need the help. Philophobia's been the defensive mechanism my mind has chosen, and so be it, cause romantic love is not fun at all, it's completely overrated. At least that's what my defensive mechanism is saying.

It's funny how the theory of the "defensive mechanism" was not developed by Sigmund Freud, but rather by her daughter who based her theory from her father's theory. Generation after generation of pioneering in the field of psychology, just freaky... I wonder if they needed to see a psychiatrist themselves, lol. I remember mum always saying how people who are interested in studying psychology, especially those interested in being a psychiatrist, usually are the ones who need the help the most. I mean it makes sense considering how you'd only be interested in something after you've been hurt deeply, cause deep down inside everyone wants to achieve a normal mental state. Problem is... no one can!

Where was those times...
Where your voice were the chimes...
Where both of us, threw at each other signs...
Where the bonding of our relationship was recorded through time...

Where was those times...
Where we would hiccup our lines...
Where sparks of excitement and eagerness shine...
Where you would laugh at everything I said, when times were so fine...

Where was those times...
Where I could always look into your eyes...
Where your lovely laughter of kindness would fly...
Where my romantic thoughts constantly brewed in the clear blue sky...

Where was those times...
Where an unspoken bubble was bind...
Where there were no clear cruel borders and lines...
Where there was no pressure, no urgency or reality to make us resign...

Where was those times...
Where I could show you my rhymes...
Where we were intertwined beyond definition like vine...
Where you called out my name, expressions of different kinds...

Where was those times...
Where you comfort me when I cried...
Where between me and you there was nothing to hide...
Where the angels up in the skies would watch at us with admiration and sigh...

Where was those times...

I was walking afterschool with L and DJ Naf, with the clear blue skies and  the birds chirping, when all of a sudden I hear MC's voice behind me, as if she is talking to someone else. As if lightning struck me, I started walking faster and faster, and later opted to run for my life away from her. When I thought I was ran far enough, Lucy and Nafiul catch up saying they had a hard time catching up. MC doesn't disappear, instead being right behind me. Everyone in the group just mixes together, and I'm on the right side of MC as we're walking towards the football pitches of Hong Ling Jin park. MC walks towards me, and wraps around her arm around my shoulders, and offers her shoulder for me to lean on. I simply follow, leaning on her shoulder as if I was seeking comfort and safety. I had a feeling of breaking into tears where I hoped everything just went back normal again. Right when I was at the verge of shedding a tear, you let go of me and leave me confused as I am plunged back into the feeling of a lack of safety and comfort once again.

It's funny, sometimes maybe guys want to be like girls for a moment and have a shoulder to lean on... after all, we like to have someone protect us from time to time.

It's pretty depressing how I'm still in love with her, which is shown through my recently acquired philophobia. Sometimes I really want to believe what happens in my dream is actually real. If only she even lets me go near her anymore... I'm heart broke and angry with her, but I would regret if she leaves me forever.

Tonights not quite the big night,
the Czechs are out of sight; the co-hosts without light.
Tonight is a just another highlight of suspense, for
against poor ole' Austria,
the Germans fight.

The Swiss and Greeks are down,
Sunday the Swede fans frown.
The fate of the World champions and runners up,
now lie on the Dominant Dutch
who stare at the European crown.

The group of life is now the group of death,
the group of death is now the group of life.
Every late goal holds up our beath,
Every match stirs up our strife.

The Spanish and Portguese rejoice
with ecstatic voices gone hoarse.
The Turks and Croats managed to stun themselves,
while the rest don't want end up in history shelves.

Russia and Poland
Both trying to climb out of quick sand.
You don't want to turn your TV too late,
It's the Euro 2008.